Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Chapter 2: Avery's Point of View

AVERY'S POINT OF VIEW:


When Char and I first met we had lust like nothing else. We literally could not keep our hands off of each other. 



I'm still a young guy, and to be completely honest I didn't see myself settling down any time soon. In the beginning, I had no idea where Char and I would end up. I actually knew nothing about her. She had no family I knew about, nor any friends. I just thought she could be a little bit of a free spirit. At first, I hadn't thought anything about it. Now, I wish I had because I wouldn't be in the situation I have now found myself in.

While I knew nothing about her, that didn't stop me from taking full advantage of everything she had to offer. We spent all night in that bed, and let's just say, we were definitely not sleeping. It seemed like after our first time together I heard her throwing up in the bathroom. 

"You have got to be kidding me." I said to myself. My entire life flashed before my eyes. She had told me that she was on birth control..


I confronted her about the birth control and she began acting weird. She was almost stuttering. To me that was a red flag. I thought "Jesus, I slept with a crazy woman." 


"Well Char, what do you want to do? We do have other options.." 



I literally saw evil in her eyes.


"Avery, dear, we only have one option. It's time for you to make an honest woman out of me." she said in an ever so calm voice. 


Holy SHIT.


So let's fast forward some. I did the unthinkable, and I married her. 
We had a private wedding, because she wants to renew our vows when she & I quote "doesn't look like a whale who ate another whale." I couldn't have said it better. 




If I could give advice to a fellow man who was sucked in by a beautiful woman I would say this:

" Some women are crazy. Yes, even the hot ones, so beware that the cool chick you hook-up with may become the woman who lies about taking her birth control in order for you to marry her."

While all women are slightly crazy, some knock the others out of the ball park. This woman, my friends, has won the word series of crazy.

 She begins yelling at me out of no where accusing me of sleeping with other women. At this point, I hadn't done anything wrong. Then as she screams at me she starts crying and begging me to forgive her. As a man I am ill equipped to deal with this emotional roller coaster. My need to be logical fails me every time. 

Since she became pregnant, or more like since she tricked me into getting her pregnant, she has been a whole different type of crazy. We lay in bed and instead of doing the only thing we have in common, she threatens me that if I cheat on her or ever leave her, she will make sure I never touch another women again.

Here is my second tip to any man who might find himself in the company of a crazy woman. AVOID HER. While I would love to change my phone number, and well move far far away, she does have my child in her stomach. So I settle for sleeping in the extra bedroom, and what do you know...she follows me in there.
The next evening I decide I need to get the hell out of this house. I decide to go running at the beach. God, I love the beach. It's so relaxing, and now that my house is anything but relaxing, I needed some tranquility in my life.


This was when I met Emma. Not only is she drop dead gorgeous, but she was actually really down to earth. While I thought at first she would be another dumb blonde barbie look alike, I was instantly mistaken. We talked all night. And I just kissed her. I know its wrong because I am technically married, but my heart just isn't with Char. 




The next day Emma invited me over to her place. I hope to god I didn't make a mistake, but we slept together.


I have to sneak home while Emma is asleep. It literally broke my heart leaving her. I was nervous that Char would be out with a baseball bat looking for me, but she was sleeping when I got in.


I fall fast asleep. I wake up to Char literally staring at me. Creepy. But I decide to talk to her a little bit. I can't actually say I'm feeling guilty, because I'm not. Regardless, Char asks me to go to the park so she can walk around and show off her "perfect" family. Jesus Christ, this is what she sees as perfect? 


We get there and who is there? Emma. 
Emma begins to speak to me. When Char quickly introduces herself as my wife. Luckily, Emma didn't say anything about our nights together. That didn't stop Char from being her crazy self and being rude to Emma.


Honestly, can my life get any worse? 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Avery, you are in a bit of a mess, aren't you?
    I'm really digging this, keep it up!

    Also, Avery's rants about crazy women are hilarious...a couple words of advice on how to pick out the crazy ones:

    1) They are always awesome in the sack (this is according to my uncle, after his third marriage)

    2)They are always gorgeous...and have crazy eyes.

    Just sayin! LOL

    ReplyDelete